|
If Only
By The Original Pippie
Chapter 4
*final
chapter!!*
I am so nervous right now. I still have no idea how I’m going to do this. How are they going
to take it? Right now I’m still waiting for everyone to show up.
I don’t want to do anything until they’re
all here. This is a big step for me, how do the other people do it?
Someone just came in, have to go see who it is.
Raab is already here, so this could be either one of the others. My nerves are starting to throw a party in my stomach but
it’s not a very fun party.
Looks like Rake and Glomb decided to show up together. Now the other three just need
to be here. I just want to get it over with.
Man what’s taking them so long? Ok I’ve got to calm down.
They’ll be here. As soon as everyone’s here and comfortable, I’ll tell them.
Looking at my watch
is just making the time go by slower. Great Ryan is walking in the door right now. Oh even better Jenn and Bam are right behind
him.
“Hey Bran. Sorry we’re a little late but we had to pick up Dunn’s slow ass.” He says
with that laugh he always seems to have in his voice.
“It’s ok. Great everyone’s here now. Just
uh… yeah just take a seat. I want everyone to get comfortable.”
“What’s the matter with you
today Dico? You ask us all to come over and you’re acting all nervous. It’s like you’re planning on proposing
to us or something.” Glomb laughs.
“Oh that’s… that’s a good one. But there is something
I wanted to tell you guys. It’s pretty important.” They all look at me, expecting a big speech. In a way, I guess,
that’s what I’m going to give them.
“You see I’ve wanted to tell you guys something for…
just about as long as we’ve known each other. But I never knew how to do it, and I guess I’ve just been too scared
of how you guys would take it.”
I pause and take a deep breath. They’re all staring at me.
“First
of all, you know you’re all my closest friends and can handle just about any crazy thing that I do. Right?"
I
look at all of them individually before my eyes land on Bam. He seems the most relaxed of the group. He can handle just about
anything that is thrown at him.
“Second, even though I know you’re my closest friends, and you’ll
always be there for me and everything… I still need to be reassured that you’ll support me in this one thing,
and just treat me the same way you’ve always treated me.”
They look like they’ve got a pretty good
idea what I’m about to tell them now. So I’m just going to say it and hope for the best.
“Guys…
what I’m trying to say is… I’m gay.”
Nothing. No reaction at all. This can’t be good.
Well it’s definitely not what I expected, but it doesn’t seem good to me.
Ryan slides out of his chair
and heads for the door without even looking at me.
“I just remembered I have to be somewhere… somewhere
that’s not here.”
“Dunn get back here!” Bam calls after him. Too late, he was out the door.
It’s ok, just because he left like that, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to be my friend any more.
Does it? Everyone else is still here; hopefully I can count on them.
Ooh… that look on Raab’s face right
now. He looks as if I just told him that I was thinking of raping his mother or something just as bad.
I can feel
the lump forming in my throat and my cheeks growing red. Raab stands up, still giving me that look.
“I can’t
believe this. Bran the fag. Why in the hell did you have to tell us something like that?” He says as he’s going
out the door.
“Raab not you too! Come on!” Bam says, sounding like he’s going to kick the ass of
the next guy who walks out on me.
Glomb is next to stand up, though much slower than Ryan and Raab. He just looks
shocked as hell and shakes his head as he starts to walk away.
“I… man I really wasn’t expecting
this. How could you be gay? I mean…” he just quickly leaves out the door, obviously not knowing what else to do.
I look over at Rake. He’s just sitting there looking half confused and half betrayed. I turn away from him so
I wont have to watch him leave just like everyone else.
“You all just leave then!” I hear Bam shout right
before he closes the door.
I can’t believe Bam is trying to stand up for me, even though they all left. I’m
trying not to let my humiliation show, but I don’t think it’s working.
Bam and Jenn walk up to me. Jenn
hasn’t said a word or looked at me since I said those two words that drove the others out.
“Are you going
to be ok Brandon?” She asks
I’m trying not to cry right now but it’s so hard.
“I…
I guess so… I don’t know. I thought it would have gone over better than this. That’s the worst reaction
I expected I would get.”
“Bran don’t worry about those jerks. They just acted like that, probably,
because they’ve known you for so long, and they just don’t know how else to take this kind of news. It took a
lot of guts to tell us.”
“You think so?” I ask with a sniff.
“Yeah.” Jenn looks
at me and then at Bam.
“You think maybe I should leave you two alone? I’m not too good at comforting people…”
“It’s ok Jenn. If you’re uncomfortable around me right now then you can go. I understand I suppose.”
“I’ll just be outside, so you two can talk.” She smiles at me sympathetically and then leaves.
Now
that Bam and I are alone my tears are coming freely. I can’t believe I’m crying in front of Bam.
“This
totally sucks Bam. I thought that coming out would make me feel better. But what they did to me… it hurts so much. Why
would they do this to me? I thought they were my friends.”
I cover my face with my hands.
“Bran
it’s ok. They didn’t mean to be hurtful. They’re just shocked.”
“Why didn’t you
leave like the rest of them? How come you’re being so nice tome right now? And why did you stand up for me as they were
leaving?”
“Bran come on. You know I’ve always got your back no matter what. It’s their problem
if they let this bother them. So what if you’re gay? Big fucking deal. To me it’s just one more thing that I know
about you. You’ve always been one of the coolest guys I’ve ever known, and you being gay isn’t going to
change my opinion about you.”
“You really mean it?”
“Yeah. Would I still be here right
now if I didn’t?”
I uncover my eyes and wipe tears off my cheeks as I look at him. I can’t help
it so I wrap my arms around him and burry my face into his shoulder.
“You’re a good friend Bam. I don’t
know what I’d do without you.”
“So are you feeling better now?”
“I will be.
Just give me a minute.”
This hug feels so nice right now. Another urge is coming over me so I discreetly smell
his neck, hoping he doesn’t notice of course.
He smells so good. I lift my head and look into his eyes.
Feeling
so much more at ease I decide to take my chance. I know he’s not expecting it but I just have to do it while I’m
still in his arms.
Leaning forward just a little bit, I place my lips on his.
After about half to maybe one
and a half seconds, Bam pulls himself away from me.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“I-I’m
so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I just… you made me feel so good about myself, and let me hug you…
I’m sorry I shouldn’t have kissed you. I just did it without thinking.”
“Why would you kiss
me? I was only trying to cheer you up, not put the moves on you!”
“I said I was sorry!” the tears
are falling again. “I couldn’t help it. You’re just so cute, and caring… I wanted to see what it was
like. Y-you’re all I…”
“All you what?”
“You’re all I ever think
about. At first I just thought it was a crush, but now I realize that I have true feelings for you. You’ve just been
so nice to me lately, giving me that t-shirt… which by the way I’ve slept in it the past two nights."
"You
tried to stand up for me just now, and you’re one of the only ones who didn’t walk out on me after I said I was
gay. You stayed behind even to comfort me. Because of all this it’s no wonder that I love you so much. Is it really
so bad that I kissed you when I had the chance?”
“Whoa… slow down Bran. Y-you love me?”
“God
I wish I didn’t just tell you that. Now you’re probably not going to be able to look my in the eyes any more.
I’m sorry I even brought it up.”
“Bran it’s ok.”
“No you’re just
saying that.”
“I’m not. Sure I’m stunned that you kissed me, and that you just confessed your
love for me. It’s going to take some time to get used to I’ll admit that. But I’m still going to be your
friend.”
“You’re probably the only one Bam.”
“No. They’ll come around.
Trust me. Just stop crying now.” he reaches over and wipes a couple tears away with his thumbs, which makes me smile.
“Thanks. I appreciate it. Man I never cried like that in front of any one before.”
“And
you picked me to be the first to witness it?”
“It’s not like I planned on it.”
“I
know. So um… you prob’ly want to be alone right now. If you don’t mind, Jenn and I are gonna take off now.”
“Oh sure. Go ahead.”
“I’ll see you later then.”
“Right. Take care
Bam.”
I stand here and watch Bam walk out the door. I still can’t believe that I actually kissed him like
that. Laughing to myself, I walk over to my couch and sit down. Wow I did it.
I came out to everyone and was very
embarrassed and hurt in the process. Then I tell Bam how much I love him and kiss him.
What a crazy experience this
has been for me. Don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I can’t wait to find out. In the meantime I
think I’ll be sleeping easier tonight.
~**~
|
 |
|
