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While I Was Looking Down
By The Original Pippie
I have just left my
body. I feel like I’m hovering fifty feet above the ground as I watch the whole scene unfolding before me.
Sound
is strangely distorted and everything and everyone is moving much slower than it should be moving. I have no idea exactly
what is going on.
There in the middle of the road a body lays, my body. My friends are gathering around me in a panic.
He stands away from everyone else, trying not to look at me.
From what I can tell right now he is trying to force
tears back. Covering his face with one hand, he takes quick glances in my body’s direction.
The other guys who
have surrounded my still body are talking to me, calling my name. Of course I do not respond to either of them.
I
see people that I don’t know running up to the scene to see what the commotion is about. These people are obviously
curious passersby; trying to see what poor fool was lying on the road.
Looking over I see him again. He walks over
to his vehicle and shakes his head as he is running his hands over the front, the spot that hit my body. His fists pound into
that spot as he bursts into tears.
Another one of our friends is by him now, trying to console him. I can’t
hear the words that they exchange to each other but I can make it out by their lips. He pushes our friend away while screaming
at him.
“I killed him! I killed him!” He screams through his tears
Our friend shakes his head and
yells back. “You didn’t kill him! He’s going to be ok!”
“You don’t know that!
I killed him! I know I did!” He snivels and shakes before collapsing to his knees
I want to tell him that it’s
not his fault. I want to tell him that I’m not dead, that I’m still right here. But even I know that’s not
true.
He was the one who hit me with his vehicle, but I was as much to blame for it as he was. I don’t know
if I’m dead, but I know that by seeing my body down there it is very possible that I am.
The ambulance is pulling
up to the scene right now. The paramedics spill out of it and are rushing up to my body. One of them forces my eyes open and
looks inside of them. My eyes show no response.
Police have arrived as well and they are telling everyone to stay
back. One of the police officers gathers all of my friends together and is asking them what happened.
He is still
bawling on the ground, still screaming how he killed me, and an officer tries to calm him down. He doesn’t need your
comfort; he needs me to move, to breathe.
He is pushing everyone away from him as he continues to cry.
My
body has been placed on a stretcher now, and the paramedics are rolling the stretcher and me to the open back of the ambulance.
My shirt has been ripped open and the paramedics are trying desperately to revive me. I look over again at him and the police
officer that is still trying to calm him down.
He isn’t listening to a word the officer is saying to him. I
can’t stand to watch so many painful tears fall from his eyes. My attention is drawn back over to his parked vehicle,
his Hummer, and where it hit me.
I’m looking again at my body on the stretcher. They are still trying to revive
me, shocking my chest.
“Clear!” I see one of the paramedics mouth
The pads hit my chest and my
body jumps. I still do not respond to it. Once again they attempt with the pads against my chest, causing my body to jump
again, only a little harder this time.
One more look at my friends. The officer who is attending to him, my sobbing
friend, tells the others to come up to them. The officer tells them that maybe he will listen to a friend easier.
Our
friend who tried comforting him before steps up, allowing the officer to move away. Bending down beside him, our friend wraps
his arms around him.
He grips onto him tight, holding on for dear life, and he cries into our friend’s shoulder.
Our friend is now rocking him back and fourth in his arms.
“It’s going to be ok Bam. You didn’t
mean it. It wasn’t your fault.” He says as he pasts him on the back.
Turning my head away from the two
of them I am once again gazing down at my body on the stretcher.
The pads hit my body one last time. Everything suddenly
is speeding up. I am crashing back down toward my body…
I have finally opened my eyes again. My vision is
blurry right now and I hear things happening around me.
I look and see people around me now; I recognize them as my
friends.
“He’s awake!” Raab says happily as he looks at the others.
Raab, Rake and Dico
come up to me and ask me questions. I try to speak but nothing comes out but random squeaks.
Turning my head I see
Bam sitting in the corner. He is facing away from me; apparently he hadn’t heard Raab announce that I was awake.
“Bam,
don’t you want to see him?”
Bam turns his head up toward Raab. He still looks like he was crying, but
not nearly as hard. Bam stands up and slowly makes his way over to me.
The other guys walk out of the room, leaving
Bam alone with me. Bam sits in the chair next to my bed and looks at me.
“I know you probably can't talk right
now, or even know what’s going on right now but…” I watch him look down for a second and wipe a tear away.
“Dude I am so fucking sorry. Everyone is telling me that it isn’t my fault, but who’s fucking fault
was it? I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head and wipes more tears away.
“ I promise you
that as soon as you are well enough, as soon as you get out of the hospital, I am going to make up for this. No matter what
it takes. I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll buy you whatever you want, I’ll do anything I possibly can just
to let you know how sorry I am. But you have to do something for me. You have to pull through, Dunn, and please, please, please
forgive me.”
All I can do is look at him as he sits there with streaming tears down his cheeks. Now with what
little strength I have, I am able to move my hand onto his.
He is staring at me and a tiny smile forms on his lips
and he holds my hand.
“I’ll stay here with you as long as I can, as long as you need me here, ok?”
I am able to squeeze his hand a little, bringing him reassurance and a bigger smile. Bam stays with me for a long
time until a nurse tells him that visiting hours are over.
With my eyes closed again I try to remember what happened.
I don’t remember the actual accident, I probably never will.
But one thing’s for sure, I will always remember
what I saw while I was looking down.
~**~
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