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If Only
By The Original Pippie
Chapter 2
I’m
trying not to let my voice shake or crack as I speak to her.
“Hey Jenn have you seen Bam? Someone said he wanted
to talk to me.”
“The last time I knew he went outside for some fresh air.”
“Oh ok.
I guess I’ll go out there to look.”
Man I get so jealous of her; because she gets to be with him any time
she wants. She gets to feel his body on her. It’s so hard to hide my envy whenever I’m around her.
I turn
away from her and start for the back door. What does Bam want to talk to me about? Maybe he wants to confess to me of how
he’s really felt about me this whole time. Maybe he wants to tell me how he can’t help but want me, and there
is no way he can keep his urges to himself any longer.
Maybe I’m just getting my hopes up, and I’m just
going to get a big disappointment. I’m just fooling myself. He’s never going to feel the same way about me. Even
if he did he wouldn’t let me know about it. Would he?
So I’m looking around out here but I don’t
see him anywhere. No one’s out here except Rake. Stupid Rake why couldn’t you have been Bam?
“Rake!
Come here.”
“What do you want?” He says as he walks up to me.
“Bam’s not out
here is he?”
“He was but I think he went back inside. Prob’ly went up to his room.”
“Ok
thanks.” I turn and go back inside.
I hate getting this run around. But maybe it will be worth it when I see
Bam. Oh yes it’s always worth it, just as long as I see him. The anticipation is building inside of me with every step
I take.
Every step is bringing me closer to Bam. I almost can’t take the feeling in my gut. What does Bam want
to tell me? It’s driving me crazy!
My hands are starting to sweat again as I grasp the railing and slowly climb
the stairs. As I reach the top of the stairs I feel like my knees are about to give out on me.
“Hey Bran is
that you?”
Oh man that was him! He called me! I love his voice… Ok just calm down. Just answer back.
“Yeah…
yeah what do you want?”
“Come in here man. I want to ask you something.”
“Oh…
Alright.”
I have to take a deep breath and allow my heart to slow down to a somewhat normal pace. I’m
trying to keep myself from running in there like a lovesick puppy.
If I did that I just might leave a little accident
on his floor that he would have to rub my puppy nose in. I gotta stop that, starting to turn myself on. Don’t want to
have to run into the bathroom again.
I peek around the open bedroom door looking for him. At first I don’t see
him but them he comes into view with that smile.
Oh it seems as if a golden light is surrounding him right now. I
can almost hear the choir singing as he moves toward me.
“Are you just going to stand there Bran? You’re
acting like you’ve never been in my room before.”
I have been in his room before, but never where it was
just the two of us. It just feels so forbidden and taboo to me, which is why I’m still standing here in the doorway.
I hope I don’t start drooling over myself. I don’t want to appear as some giggling schoolgirl waiting for his
autograph or something.
Finally stepping inside I close the door behind me, in case what he wants to ask me is something
meant to be private. I‘m sitting here on his bed just to see what it‘s like. He is going through his closet so
hopefully he didn’t notice me caressing the sheets in between my fingers. These sheets actually get the privilege of
touching Bam’s body at night. I look back up at him, just catching his eyes again.
“So… what did
you want to ask me?” I ask, trying to sound normal.
“Hold on I’m trying to find it. It’s no
big deal. I just happened to think about it so I came up here before I forgot.”
“Oh what is it?”
He pulls a t-shirt out of his closet and tosses it to me. I hold it up after catching it and gaze at it. It is one
of my favorite t-shirts that he wears. I want to smell it, and rub it all over me just to get his scent on me.
“What’s
this for?”
“You like it?”
“Yeah but…”
“I have another one
just like it so I though I’d see if you wanted it. You don’t have to keep it if you don’t want.”
I
want to jump up and wrap my arms around him as tight as I possibly can, just to show how much it means to me. This has to
be a dream. I can’t believe that he’s actually giving me one of his t-shirts, one that he wears all the time.
I never expected anything like this. I just hold the shirt in my hands and look at it; I even try not to smile. If
I smile now my feelings for him are definitely going to show. I can’t let that happen.
“Thanks man. This
is cool.” More like amazing.
“No problem.” He looks down and scratches his head. “Hey there’s
actually something else.”
“W…what’s that?” I’m starting to get really nervous.
“I uh… no it’s stupid. Forget it.”
“No what is it? I can tell you want to tell
me something important.”
He starts to approach me while obviously trying not to look at me, at least not in
my eyes any way. Maybe it really is what I’ve always hoped for. I just got to breathe now. There he stands in front
of me, looking awkwardly at his feet.
“Bran I… you’re not going to believe this but I…”
He looks up and I can see the timid expression in his eyes, and the red tint forming on his cheeks, as he runs his hands through
his hair.
“Oh man how do I even say this?”
I stand up to where I can be at eye level with him
and drop the shirt onto the bed.
“It’s ok Bam. Whatever you have to say to me, I’ll understand.”
“No you wont.” He turns away from me.
“There’s no way that you’ll understand
this.”
“Bam you’re like… you’re like my best friend. If you have a problem or anything…
you can tell me.”
He shakes his head and turns back around to face me.
“No… no I can’t
tell you this. It’s just too… I… oh fuck it I just got to do it.”
He’s holding the sides
of my face in his hands right now. His lips are actually on mine. They’re everything I expected them to be, so warm,
so smooth so… oh wow. I can’t believe this is happening.
Bam is kissing me right now. My knees are starting
to shake so I place my hands around his waist for support. Oh man that’s his tongue. Bam’s tongue has just entered
my mouth. How could this be happening for real? It must be a dream.
He is moving me toward the bed, and I’m
leaning back against the mattress. This kiss is getting so intense; I don’t want it to end.
He’s so warm
and strong; I don’t want to leave his arms. It’s just too nice to waste. I’ve got to make the most of it.
“Bran. Did you hear me?”
Looking up from the shirt in my hands, I see him standing there waiting
for a response to a question I missed him ask.
“What?”
“I asked you if you like the shirt.”
“Oh… uh… yeah it’s great.” Oh why oh why oh why couldn’t that kiss be real?
“Thanks.”
Thanks for a big let down. But I suppose that wasn’t your fault. And I suppose it isn’t a total let down.
After all he did just give me one of his t-shirts.
“I have another one just like it. I thought you might like
it.”
“Oh yeah. It’s cool.”
I stand up and lie the shirt across my shoulder. Walking
over to the door I turn to look at him again. He just waves at me as I reach the door.
“I’ll see you downstairs
man.” He says.
“Yeah ok.”
I walk out the door and close my eyes as I lean against the wall.
Damn my vivid imagination, with that and the t-shirt he just gave me, I’m not going to get to sleep tonight. If only
that kiss was real.
~**~
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