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Nine Times Wheeling
(A short sequel/ending to the Life Partner series)
Part 1
In a long and involved conversation with myself
I saw a precious thing come into view
When I poured through
the files taken off my mental shelf
I dusted off some memories of you
Bam got out of the Lamborghini
and walked slowly up to his house. Once he reached the door he looked down at his feet and held his breath. He had been away
from home for a while and he had sometime to think about everything.
A knot formed in his stomach as he feared what
he would face on the other side. He feared it, even though he came home to face it. He cracked the door open slowly and quietly
stepped inside, hanging the keys on the hook.
Then I thought about the times
When all the world was green
How the phoenix of our love first flapped its
silver wings
All the urgency and passion of each new day as it happened and how it all mellowed as it grew
Making
his way down the hallway, he paused once he reached the corner. He continued to gaze down at his feet before he turned the
corner into the main part of the house. He entered the living room and stopped a few feet away from the couch.
Bam
didn’t want to look up and show the great deal of shame on his face, and stood there with his hands shoved in his pockets.
He then made a slight noise in his throat, hoping that it would cause the occupant of the couch to look in his direction.
“Novak?”
He said softly
Novak sat, curled up on the couch staring sadly at the television. He looked as though he hadn’t
eaten, bathed, slept or moved much in a while.
He also looked to be an emotional wreck, and Bam imagined his voice
to be strained from heavy crying.
“So… look who comes crawling back.” Novak said sorrowfully without
looking up at Bam or even moving.
He closed his eyes and turned his head slightly away from Bam’s direction.
“What
the hell are you doing here?”
“Novak I… I’m actually surprised to see you. I didn’t think
that you’d still be here.”
“Where was I supposed to go? Even if I had the money and the energy to
get my own place, I still wouldn’t even have a way of getting there myself. I had no choice but to stay here Bam. Besides
all I could do since you left was sit around and cry.” He paused and sniffed.
“No one has ever hurt me
that bad before, Bam.”
“I was hurt too. I went through fucking hell when I was gone.”
Novak
turned his head and looked at Bam for the first time. His expression was no longer heartbroken, but angry.
“You
went through hell?” he paused and took a breath.
“You left me on our wedding night! And you were
gone for over two weeks! What hell could you have possibly gone through during that time?”
“Novak
I spent every day that I was gone in a hotel room, putting myself down and feeling like the biggest fucking asshole in the
world. I was hating myself so bad, thinking about what I was doing to you. You have no idea what was going on through my head.
I…”
“I don’t fucking care!” Novak shouted, cutting Bam off. Both men were nearly at tears.
“You
weren’t the one suffering from a broken heart. You weren’t the one who had their whole life turned upside down
because everything that they ever wanted and even believed in with all of their heart was suddenly gone, and they didn’t
know if it would ever return."
You weren’t the one that, your mother by the way, found sobbing uncontrollably
on the floor over there by the door, holding your rings in their hand. You weren’t the one who had to suffer through
the worst pain ever experienced day in and day out, as though you were grieving the death of a loved one.”
He
paused to catch his breath.Tears began to fall from his angered, hurt eyes as he turned away from Bam.
“But
you were the one who caused all of that. Why? Why did you leave me like that?” He blubbered.
Bam tried to fight
back his own tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? After all of that, all you can
say is you’re sorry?”
“What do you want me to say?”
His own tears began to fall.
“I’m
nothing but scum who deserves to die and go straight to hell? Novak I don’t know what to say or do to make you feel
better. I can’t stand to see you like this knowing that I caused it.”
He walked up to the couch and knelt
down beside it. He looked at Novak through his tear-filled pleading eyes and placed a finger on Novak’s side.
“Please
don’t do this to me. Please don’t shut me out like this. You have no idea how sorry I am. I know how stupid I
was for leaving you like I did. This is killing me Nov… Nov please look at me?”
“Why should I?”
“I…
I still love you Nov.”
“You have the worst way of showing it then. I don’t fucking believe you Bam.
It’s going to take me a long time to get over this, and I’m probably never going to trust you ever again. You
don’t love me. I have a feeling that you never really did love me.”
“How could you say that? If I
don’t fucking love you then do you think I would have come back?”
“Well of course you came back.
This is your house. You don’t care about me. You didn’t even expect to see that I was still here. Bam please just
do me a favor and leave me alone. I don’t want to see you or talk to you right now.”
“But Novak…
I… you have to give me a chance to work things out with you. Please?”
“There’s nothing to work
out right now! I…” He stood up and began to walk away from Bam.
“I’ve moved back into my old
room, which is where I’m going to right now. Do NOT come up there trying to talk to me! I don’t want to be around
you any more!”
He stormed away, leaving Bam there sitting on his knees. The bedroom door slammed shut, causing
Bam’s heart to shatter.
“Wh-what have I done? He’s gong to hate me forever now. How am I supposed
to fix this?”
He asked the questions to himself as he drew his knees up to his chest, crying even harder than
he was before.
“God I’m such a fuck up! I’m so fucking stupid! It’s a wonder why any one would
ever want to have anything to do with me.”
Bam continued to sit there, putting himself down and sobbing into
his knees. His whole world, and Novak’s had been destroyed and Bam had no idea how to put the pieces back together again.
~**~
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